Category Archives: Mathematical Humor

The lightest side of Singapore math with a slight dose of irreverence

What’s Your Life PhD?

For the majority of people around the world without a PhD, the academic title is often creatively or cynically assigned a different meaning. Talking of poking fun at those who make a living in an ivory tower—the image of an “ivory tower” is used in the Bible in the Song of Songs (7:4) to describe a woman’s purity—the lay public’s general impression or perception of most PhDs is often anything but positive. Could this be due to some subconscious “intellectual envy”?

Maybe because when they think of academics becoming politicians or of them serving as consultants or advisors for an oft-inept or corrupt government (or of an educational consultant for a publishing house hoping to boost their school adoption rate), many have mixed feelings about these exam-smart folks, who are mostly “un-street-smart,” when it comes to solving everyday life or real-world problems for their fellow citizens—their oft-halfwitted decisions often serve as a living proof of their (practical) unintelligence rather than their intelligence.

PhDs to Save the Planet from Covid-19

Below are three entries I submitted during the lockdown two-odd years ago.

Trump’s Covid-19 Con-sultant
Was Cummings, ex-PM Johnson’s “corona jerk”?
One rule for the Cummings and
one for the common people.

Be it the canned “Permanent Head Damage” or “Post Holiday Depression,” new meanings associated with the acronym are only limited by our imagination.

Boosted Jabs at PhDs

A few years ago, I started relooking at new meanings of a PhD. Two such revised definitions were:

Cheat PhD on the Cheap
God’s Doctorate Disciples

What’s your life’s PhD, especially when you respectfully compare yourself with those with big titles, most of whom often have infinitesimally positive or quasi-zero impact on those around them?

Meanwhile, why not pray, help, and do rather than just preach, hope, and delay?

© Yan Kow Cheong, March 25, 2023.

A North Korea without the Kims

North Korea and the Kim Dynasty

Way back in 2017, when ISIS or radical Islamist ideologies were making inroads in a number of developing or war-torn countries, and North Korea then looked like the safest place on the planet from green terrorism, I coined North Korea as follows:

North Korea: Where jihadists daren’t go in trying to Islamize infidels unless they don’t mind going to hell sooner than later to meet up with ex-dictators Kim Jong Il and Kim Il Sung.

ISIS or the Taliban is no match for Dictator Kim Jong Un’s trained killers, if these Mohammedan jihadists dream of going to North Korea to set up their Caliphate.

by MathPlus May 31, 2017

The Kim Dynasty

The Kim dynasty is “like grandfather, like father, like son.” Would the world witness a gender change at the top, if a sister (and subsequently a daughter, legitimate or not) were to be reluctantly appointed, thus breaking the decades-long patriarchal political order? A modern-day Jezebel in waiting!

North Korea & Math Education

Imagine if North Korean students were to take part in TIMSS and PISA, what are the chances that they would outrank or outwit their Singaporean or mainland Chinese counterparts in both math and science?

Or, if you needed a part-time or freelance value-for-money coder (or licenced hacker), would you choose one from Singapore, India, or North Korea? The choice is pretty clear, isn’t it?

Dark Political Math

From Reel Trump to Real Kim

After Comrade Kim’s last heartbeat, what are the odds that the two Koreas might be reunited as one? Or would this reunification happen earlier, say, if the hermit nation was forced to surrender following a series of bombings on Pyongyang or on its nuclear sites by the Allies?

Broken Bromance Blossomed

Imagine that Donald J. Trump is miraculously re-elected in 2024, and the Trump-Kim lukewarm bromance is rekindled with a flurry of more “love letters.”

Reel Leaders Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize

What are the odds that they’d eventually have a tête-à-tête at the White House? A post-pandemic reunion between two vainglorious rogues that could help raise their chances of being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize for the nth time, as their actions (or inactions) arguably prevented a WW3!

The Peacefakers Sans Clothes

What if fearing that he’d end up on the wrong side of eternity, and also be remembered as a modern-day Hitler or Stalin, comrade Putin decided to return the annexed lands, including Crimea, to Ukraine? Would the world witness a peace prize being shared by the unholy Kim-Putin-Trump trio? Or would all three be re-nominated for the Ignoble Peace Prize instead?

The Leadershit Series for Rogue Leaders

Fake Missile for Anti-NATO*

Would the US and allies (yes-nations) only stop playing the more-sanctions game when Kim Jong-un’s patience ran out—when he decided to launch a “fake” missile targeting one of its neighbours, which would force them to take the rogue nation seriously or to treat the Kim dynasty with respect or reverence?

Peacefully & prayerfully yours

* NATO = No Action, Talk Only

© Yan Kow Cheong, March 3, 2023.

Numbers vs. Letters

A while ago, I tweeted the following math or language or brain question, hoping for a layman answer from math educators or linguists or brain specialists, who might offer a quick-and-dirty explanation to that puzzle.

Tweet from @MathPlus

Another nontrivial question is: “For a number of us who’d no choice but to learn or master a few languages or dialects to survive, why do we feel at home decades later still vocalizing or reciting numbers in the (foreign) language we used while we’re growing up rather than in our mother tongue or lingua franca?”

Personally, I find it easier to recite or utter a sequence of consecutive numbers, or to work with mathematical symbols, in French rather than in English or Chinese—or in my Hakka dialect. I find it puzzling because French has now been relegated to my third or fourth language, and I hardly ever use it in my daily communication, or in any tête-à-tête meetings, other than occasionally dropping some French jargon in my writing to appear like a faux Francophone.

Although today English is my second language and lingua franca, French remains my language of choice when it comes to self-talking (or maybe even daydreaming or dreaming) in numbers or numerals.

It looks like if we learn numbers and symbols in a certain language or dialect in our formative years, we’re brainwired to recall or recite numbers in that particular language later in our adult life. This occurs especially when we’re on our own, even though we may be equally versed or quasi-fluent in other languages or dialects.

Like cycling, driving, or swimming, it appears that reciting numbers in the language of our childhood days in later years is something that stays with us for life.

When self-talking about numbers, do the majority of you who’re forced to be bilingual, trilingual, or multilingual to survive (or thrive) in school and in the workplace also share my experience? Sounds like it’s a neuro rather than a numero question we’re trying to address here!

Linguistically yours

© Yan Kow Cheong, February 11, 2023.

Lunar New Year

The Spring Festival

Today is the last day of the annual 15-day Chinese New Year (or Lunar New Year) festival in China and Chinese communities around the world.

The Lunar New Year is so-called because the dates of celebration follow the phases of the moon—the new moon could fall on dates between January 21 and February 20, which is similar to Easter that could take place between March 22 and April 25.

Due to its “movable” date, the Lunar New Year (which is unspokenly steeped in superstition and divination, but unquestionably or expectantly celebrated by a billion-odd mainland Chinese and the forty-plus million faithfuls in the Chinese diaspora as part of Chinese tradition) serves as a rich recreational math or calendrical activity for teachers or educators worldwide.

In the Year of the Ox (or “Covidox”), which ushered in a palindromic date (12/02/2021), I pondered: “Any sexy formula that tells us when the Chinese New Year falls in a given year? Not calendrical recipes meant for symbol-minded geeks, but one for the majority of us, the simple-minded folks who’d key in the year and out come the CNY date & day of the week.”

With superstitious couples unfairly or irrationally treating baby tigers and bulls as “inauspicious,” but don’t mind baby bunnies, could supposedly conservative or puritan “fine” Singapore with a frightening low fertility rate of 1.2—below its replacement rate of 2.1, which could see its population heading the way of the dodo sans selective immigration and baby bonus cash incentives—expect a mini-baby boom in the Year of the Rabbit?

With few Covid restrictions still in place, would Singaporeans and permanent residents (and tax fugitives fearing political persecution or prison) be more excited this year to play their part in producing an above-average number of newborns-bunnies? And with Valentine’s Day around the corner, could the nation expect an overbooking of hospital beds or single wards in November?

I completely forgot that I wrote A Dozen Numerical Deeds for the Chinese New Year eight [sounds like a numerologically Sino-auspicious number?] years ago. If you want to keep the spirit of giving alive in the new bunny year, help yourself with some of the suggested gifts to bless others, Chinese and non-Chinese.

Generously yours

© Yan Kow Cheong, February 5, 2023.

Math Word of the Day: Formula Feeding

On May 26, 2021, I hypocritically posed the following:

Family Math: The positives and negatives of formula feeding vis-à-vis breastfeeding. How to get millions of fathers involved in parenting, while giving the mother a break if formula feeding isn’t an option.

Below are three tweets, two of which are more than a decade old.

Got 🥛 : 🐄 or 🐐?

Lactose intolerant? Allergic to cow milk? Nature “next best thing to mother’s milk”: Singapore’s Goat Milk vine.co/v/i7OiHuQW62K (@MathPlus on 12/6/15)

Zero Fat ≠ No Fat

Beware of labels: Zero fat, no-fat (skim milk) contains 0.4 grams of fat per cup (or 86 calories per cup). A “zero lie”! #zero (@Zero_Math on 1/7/11)

Meeting & Milking the Cow!

You don’t get milk from a cow by sending a letter, or by calling on the phone. You get milk from a cow by sitting by its side & milking it. (@MathPlus on 12/2/12)

You may also be interested in Crime Watch and Crime Math, which is related to infant formula or powder milk.

Dutifully & responsibly yours

© Yan Kow Cheong, January 27, 2023

Formula Feeding ≡ Father Bonding

Pi versus WHO

Pi recently took a page from Singapore’s only ruling party’s decades-long successful template how to stay in power perpetually, with quasi-zero public protests, strikes, and riots.

Will Pi win her viral legal case against the World Health Organization (WHO)? Millions of math teachers worldwide are unspokenly hoping that the WHO won’t alienate or betray Pi, just as it did for the marginalized and unrecognized variant Xi.

Would Pi be vindicated for unfairly being discriminated by those who’re playing politics to prevent her from being admitted as a bona-fide corona variant worthy of WHO’s recognition?

Imagine how excited math educators globally would be if Pi won her legal case against the WHO.

Come Pi Day or Pi Approximation Day, if the 16th letter of the Greek alphabet were officially declared a WHO-approved variant by then, schools and universities would be electrified in conducting an eclectic mix of pi talks and lectures to promote Pi’s ambivalent “murderous” new status.

I, for one, have started to work on Murderous Pi—the title of a math e-book to celebrate Pi’s evolution from a humble mathematical constant to a proud corona variant, which would be plagued with devilish or wicked problems on mathematics’s most beloved irrational number.

Are you looking forward for Pi’s long-overdue recognition by WHO’s health professionals in the Lunar New Year of the Rabbit?

Until she’s virally credited for her fatally mixed impact on earthlings before she’d rest in peace to make way for Rho and Sigma, who’re lining up to be WHO-recognized, Pi’s rejection would be perceived as an irrational [mathematical & viral] injustice or betrayal, whose aftermath paranoiac behaviors among math educators and virologists worldwide could potentially be unpeaceful, to say the least.

Like the “infidel” Zero, who’s ostracized by the Church Fathers of yesteryear, may the “agnostic” or “devilish” Pi be vindicated as she longs to gain formal approval to be in the company of fellow corona variants.

© Yan Kow Cheong, January 17, 2023

Will Pi Be WHO-Recognized?

Math Word of the Day: Mathemachicken

I can’t recall what prompted me to coin “mathemachicken” three-odd years ago. Was it the aftermath of setting or solving an unhealthy number of word problems on chickens or eggs, or both?

Not too long ago, in Organic Chicken Rice for the Rich, I hatched up a meme and offered some math questions on organic and kampong chickens. https://bit.ly/3y1fXvL

Early this month, the world read about Malaysia’s decision to ban the export of chickens (but not eggs) to its frenemy neighbor Singapore. In fact, even before the ban, the prices of chicken eggs were already skyrocketing in supermarkets, which sounds more like a case of synchronized profiteering strategies among exporters, distributors, and supermarkets than anything else, but after some Opposition members had denounced the unjustified inflated prices, things have since stabilized more or less.

Organic Chicken for the Rich & Wealthy

Ukrainian Eggs 4 Singapore

During Singapore’s “circuit breaker”—a PC term for “lockdown”—we’re blessed with white eggs flown from Ukraine. I recall that some supermarkets had promotions like “Buy One, Get One Free” or “Buy Two, Get One Free” to lure locals to try Ukrainian eggs. Since the war, the import of these bigger and cheaper eggs seems to have come to a halt.

Probably no animal is more popular than the chicken in math word problems—even the beloved bunny comes a distant second. Be it the use of their heads, eyes, legs, or eggs, the chicken remains the animal of choice among mathematical problem posers.

Tens of thousands of brain-friendly and unfriendly math questions on chickens and eggs around the world make their way into canned and creative math textbooks every year, which makes millions of math-anxious students worldwide to “chicken out” to avoid being given all kinds of labels by peers and parents for their oft-irrational fear or failure to solving them.

Philosophically Speaking

If you were a chicken, would you feel privileged or pissed off by the way your name is being used, abused, or misused in school textbooks and workbooks?

Do you think it’s long overdue that you and your feathery friends and foes sue the publishers and the Ministries of Education around the world for showing disrespect or even disdain towards the chicken community?

On a lighter note, if it looks like a chicken and clucks and counts like a chicken, you never know: it might be a mathemachicken.

© Yan Kow Cheong, June 28, 2022

Which came first: The chicken or the egg?

Math Word of the Day: Pithon

The day before, we read that a female Burmese python weighting 98 kg and nearly 5 m was caught in Florida. She’s the largest snake ever found in that state before her death, pregnant with an amazing 122 eggs; if stretched vertically, she’d be as tall as a giraffe.

In Florida, where now lives the Viper in Chief after being ousted from the White House, who’s since preoccupied himself with terrorizing those who refuse to propagate his lasagna of lies, pythons have become pests due to irresponsible pet owners of yesteryears releasing or allowing pet pythons to escape in the wild.

With no major predators, Florida’s subtropical climate has provided serpents and snakes a conducive breeding ground for them to multiply, often outcompeting native species. Who knows? Alien vipers might eventually outnumber local pythons, if left on their own to populate the land.

Recently, some human vipers mounted a “mathematical insurrection” against textbook publishers for allegedly promoting “woke math” to K–12 students. And a rising number of foreign pythons are set to keep Florida’s annual “Python Challenge” alive—this year, the event runs from August 5–14 and is expected to lure around 500+ python hunters from 25 different states.

🐍🔢: Math with Pythons & Pithons

Like math questions on vampires and zombies, those on pythons (and pithons) are no less frightening or exciting to problem solvers. Below are two examples:

It is estimated that the female Burmese python, which was caught after Floridian researchers used a male “scout” to find her, was up to 20 years old. In human years, would she be as old as the Viper in Chief?

Python Pies or Pizzas: In 2021, the winner of the “Python Challenge” captured 223 pythons, while the longest snake was 15 feet long. Imagine if this year’s captured foreign pythons were ethically killed and exotically used to make pies or pizzas, how many pieces of either one could be made by the chefs at Mar-a-Lago for the “Florida Python Food Festival”?

© Yan Kow Cheong, June 25, 2022

What’s your definition of a pithon?

Math Word of the Day: Square

If you were given a chance to redefine a square, what would your new definition be other than it being another word for a geek, nerd, or bore? Or, a figure who refuses to do any of those immoral, illegal, or unethical things when pressured by peers: drug, booze, sex, porn, gang, scheme, graft, ….

Geometric Stereotype à la Singapour

In Chan Li Shan’s Searching for Lee Wen (2022), the author wrote:

“A well-known actress, Nancy Kwan once gave a talk at a conference of British-born Chinese. Having started in the film The World of Suzie Wong, she was talking about what it was like to be a Chinese actress working in Hollywood. Noticing Lee Wen [a deceased Singaporean artist who received the Cultural Medallion in 2005, Singapore’s highest award for the arts] at the back of the room, she said,

“Who’s that young man sitting behind? How come you’re so quiet? Where are you from?”
“I’m Lee Wen from Singapore.”
“Oh! Singapore… people there are all very square, right?”

Don’t you agree that there’s an iota of truth that people in the “fine” city don’t so much look like a square but do often behave like one? By this, I mean that they’re generally conservative, conformist, or compliant, or all three. Few would wish to be seen as an odd one in a sea of evens, because an oddball often creates waves, positively or negatively.

At work, few would step out of their invisible square to question, much less challenge, the oft-dated rules and regulations. Most hate their job, waiting for Fridays and dreading Mondays. They’ve subconsciously squared to live an uneventful or fearful life, because switching to an alternative career path looks pretty disruptive, not to say, (initially) painful.

Your choice of a meaningful life lies squarely on you. If you’re a math educator, are the math things you’re presently doing square with what you desire in future? For instance, are you waiting until you retire to write that book? Or until the kids go to college to start working on that manuscript? Whatever it is, just make sure that you don’t die with a book still inside you!

If you’ve been dubbed a square, or secretly see yourself as one, remember that squares are circles with corners, and over time, most of them do turn into a beautiful (imperfect) circle.

© Yan Kow Cheong, June 23, 2022

A right 4-gon

Math Word of the Day: Dengue-19

On April 26, 2022, after reading in the local papers that almost 5,500 dengue cases were reported in high-GDP Singapore, exceeding last year’s total, I posed and posted the following quiz:

“Covid-🇸🇬: A True or False Quiz: “In living-with-Covid Singapore, people are more afraid of contracting the dengue virus (dubbed the ‘rich man’s threat’) than the coronavirus (coined the ‘poor man’s dread’).”

A Tale of Two Vectors

Last November, I’d somewhat asked a similar question: “What are the odds that in Singapore the wealthy are more likely to go to hospital due to a mosquito bite rather than due to a viral infection? The delta goes for the poor; the dengue targets the rich.”

A month earlier, I’d postulated the following scenario: “In the Singapore 2021 infection contest, the dengue is no match to the delta. Even with more biting opportunities to target potential work-from-home victims, the 🦟 blamed the 🦠 for failing to meet its target.” https://lnkd.in/d5TeNdUA

In fact, way back in 2020, I’d pondered about “Singapore’s double whammy: The dengue (9,261 cases) is catching up fast to give the coronavirus (36,405 cases) some fight. Which one will win the 🇸🇬 infection contest: the mosquito 🦟 or the virus 🦠?” bit.ly/36YIzbh

Fight for Your Life

Today, in a number of war-stricken or terrorism-sponsored countries, the battle cry is: “Be a peace fighter.” In SE Asia, the rallying cry is: “Be a dengue fighter.”

© Yan Kow Cheong, June 22, 2022

Which is deadlier: Covid or Dengue?